As per the title of this post…after 3 weeks on hormones, yes, testosterone turned my blue hair into pink hair! I know what you’re thinking…”But Brixton! This sounds a little back ass-wards! Boys are blue. Girls are pink. Aren’t you a female-to-male trans person? Shouldn’t your hair still be blue? And besides…hormones can’t turn your hair into different colors. Come on now.”
Yeah yeah this is partly true. But hear me out because I’m being completely serious.
As you may have guessed, I dyed my hair pink this week. And the hormones had everything to do with my decision to do so. It takes balls to wear this popping color. Never in my life have I had enough confidence to attempt such a feat. The blue was a little more subtle. But my hair is oober pink now!
Before the start of my transition, my self esteem was near to nothing. I was and still am very shy and keep to myself most of the time. Hence – the blog and not the cliché “this is my voice 1 month on T videos on youtube.” I just can’t do it. I even planned on doing a voice update thing on SoundCloud or something. I can’t even do that. Voice issues.
Anyway! After I started T, I feel like I’m getting closer and closer to being the real me. And not that I think I’m hot sh*t and want attention, but I am so much more comfortable in my skin. I’ve always wanted colored hair but never could bring myself to do it. The thought of having all eyes on me scared the hell out of me. 99% of the time, I’m the only person in the room with crazy hair. So I know people stare. And I’m okay with that because now, I’m not watching everyone’s eyes or listening for comments. I don’t care anymore. Essentially, I feel free because of T! And I say that T turned my hair pink because I feel like starting hormone therapy was the real beginning of my transition and the beginning of my self-love journey. Now I can have pink hair and rock the shit out of it!
But why pink you ask? Well, for me, it’s really about shutting down gender norms and traditional gender roles. The story has always been pink is for girls and blue is for boys. But it’s not anymore. And hasn’t always been.
In the 19th century in England, young boys sported pink ribbons and bows on their clothing. Grown men often wore red, so being that young boys were essentially little men, they wore the lighter shades of red, which was pink. In fact, in 1850, Queen Victoria was painted with her new born baby boy who was wearing a pink and white dress. Young girls were also seen wearing blue and white, as blue was thought to be a more dainty and soft color than pink. Note also, young children, no matter what gender, all wore dresses most of the time. Debunking another “gender norm.”
It wasn’t until the 1940s in America when people started buying more pink for girls and blue for boys. Probably due to the fact that mens work uniforms were coming out in blue now. And there was a marketing slogan moving around that stated “think pink” in hopes of convincing women to buy more pink and to embrace their femininity. Until then, pink was recognized as a masculine color because it was simply a lighter shade of red, which was a symbol of strength and power.
Now, I am not one to argue the point that gender is a social construct. Maybe one day, but I haven’t built a strong enough argument. I’m getting there though! I will say this, it’s obvious that gender roles are a socialized phenomena. The not-so-historical notion that “pink is for girls” is a prime example. As is the movement of women workers into traditionally male-dominated industries during World War II. Gender roles are ever-changing. And therefore highly socialized. It may not seem that way when you are focused on here and now. And when you don’t expand your mind to think to the past or even the future. But pink may not be just a representation of femininity anymore. It should be seen more as a symbol of confidence and happiness and faith. And that is what I means for me. So now, I wear the color pink everyday to symbolize my new found confidence and happiness. Not my gender.
My decision to change my hair color to pink stems from my strong belief that gender norms are a thing of the past. We should be able to dress, communicate, and behave in whatever manner we wish to no matter what gender we identify with. I mostly identify as masculine and present in that way too. But I still love to wear makeup, paint my nails, and wear a lot of pink. Don’t ask me why. Don’t tell me I should just be a “gay man.” And don’t question my gender identity because of my expression. Aside from gender, expression, and sexual orientation, I am just me. I am who I am. And that’s it.
As you have probably noticed, this post took an unexpected turn. I know the weekly theme with these posts has been about my transition and the documenting of my changes on T. Unfortunately, there hasn’t been very much measurable changes this week. So I didn’t have much to talk about besides my hair. But because of this voluntary change, there was a huge takeaway for me this week. Actually, I’ve learned over the past few years that I don’t have to be ashamed of who I am. I don’t have to mold myself to fit into either side of a tiny binary. I don’t have to pretend to be somebody I’m not just to blend in with society. And I can have pink hair and still hold on to my masculinity without fail. And that’s the most important part of anybody’s transition. It’s not the facial hair, bigger muscles, or the lower voice. It’s the journey to self-discovery and learning to love yourself. And this type of journey is not specific to just trans people. It’s for everybody. Be yourself! And don’t let anybody take you away from you.
Thanks for reading!