Week Four

So I actually have a lot to talk about this week. Which is exciting because this should be an easy post to get through. Kind of.

I’ve actually noticed some gradual changes this week. I am on a pretty low dose of T so I’m not expecting too much too fast. At least not anymore. I came out of the gates wanting facial hair, bigger muscles and a lower voice after my first dose! I’ve come back down to reality a little bit and am teaching myself how to just go with the flow. This new mentality was not easy to acquire. It took me starting my period to realize these things. If I hadn’t changed my mentality about all of this, I would not be able to function right now.

Yes I said it! I started my period this week and it was horrible! I didn’t know what to think. I was caught completely off guard. First of all because I was already a week late and my periods were very consistent before this. So I thought I was lucky enough to be done with them already. Secondly, because there were no signs or symptoms! I usually get the cramps, my face breaks out, and I’m very lethargic a couple days before my period. None of these happened. I freaking mowed my back yard, cooked a bad ass dinner that could feed an army, and survived through the clean up. All after work the night before and a long day in the city running errands with my wife. Yeah I was full of energy! But my period creeped up on me and freaked me the hell out. But what can I do? Not like I can get a hysto any time soon. Just deal with for now. I will mention something that helped me tremendously though. A few hours after I started, my wife started hers too. When she told me I felt my smile rip through my cheeks all the way to my ears, Joker style! I was feeling so defeated before but when she told me I felt the biggest weight lifted off of my shoulders. My wife never let’s me go through any storm alone. She’s always by my side. Literally. I can’t ever thank her enough for that.

& I know you’re reading baby! I love you!

So because of this small set back, I got to rethinking my strategy. Changes will come. But I must be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day. And neither will Brixton. Building Brix is a slow process, yo. But! Good things come to those who wait! And I learned that this week.

The beginning of the week started out kinda bad. I was in a lot of pain. Everywhere. Also, about 48 hours before and 24 hours after my shot, I was dog tired! I had no energy whatsoever. It took about 24 hours until my energy finally kicked back in. These hormones were all over the place last weekend!

So when I say that I was in pain, damn do I mean it. I have been getting these damned little devilish muscle cramps and spasms. Not enough to call it a Charlie horse but enough to make me say ouch and have to rub it out so it goes away. They’re so annoying and come at the most random times! I get these in all my major muscle groups. Back and chest muscles, biceps, lats, triceps, quads, hamstrings, and calf muscles. Yes! All of them! And along with that I get a million little sharp pains all over. Also random. And equally annoying.

Another thing that I’ve noticed is muscle growth and fat redistribution. In my research, I’ve seen mixed results in terms of fat redistribution. If you don’t know and just so we’re clear, hormone therapy can make a person’s body change it’s shape. For transmasculine folk like me, testosterone can make the fat redistribute itself to a more masculine pattern. For example, the fat in the hips and bum can move around and end up in abdomen area. Some people have really quick results and others it takes a while to notice change. I believe that it has a lot to do with genetics and fat to muscle ratio.

I’m a pretty big guy. I carry a lot of fat in my hips and butt and also around my arms and thighs. But I also have a lot of muscle. I don’t work out (yet) or anything like that. But I am just naturally strong I guess. Plus, the kind of work I do is very physical and requires a reasonable amount of strength. But anyway, I have noticed some changes with my muscle mass and tone. They’re not too significant. Like I’m not saying my body looks completely square and I am just super ripped. But my wife has noticed the way my arms are starting to look different. She can see my arms getting more toned and losing the fat around my muscles. She also mentioned that my hips look smaller too. She says my pants are fitting looser around my hips and butt. And I believe her because she’s the one person that really pays attention to my body. I wouldn’t say there is much change but that’s because I am very self conscious about my hips so it’s going to take a drastic change before I say yeah, my hips are shrinking. So when it comes to the physical changes in my body, I am going off what my wife says. And pictures of course.

And without further ado, I’d like to introduce a little guy that I like to call…the throat frog. He exists now! I’m sure of it. Towards the end of every night this week, I have gotten this little ache in the back of my throat. Feels like I always have to cry. Just a general soreness. Not really itchy like before. When I wake up every day, it’s gone but by the end of our work shift, it comes back. My voice hasn’t really changed at all but I feel something back there.

One thing that has changed though, is my singing voice. I LOVE to sing. I’m not a professional or anything but I’m alright on a good day. I even put myself through self-taught lessons using YouTube videos and such. So I know how to sing. I’m not just singing along anymore. Naturally, I have a pretty even pitched voice. A little on the high side even. But I have had to train myself to reach some high notes. By now I use muscle memory when I place my notes. Wellllll, I can’t hit some of those notes with the same placement anymore. I feel like I’m looking for them again. Some notes that I would have used a mixed voice with, I am now having to go solely into my head voice. And on the other end, I do this very unhealthy thing when I drop my larynx to reach low notes. And I’m not doing that as often and as hard now. Just something to note. Changes are coming. I feel them!

So I guess that’s about it for this week! Nothing too crazy but it’s something. Thankfully though, my energy levels have managed to stay up throughout the whole week. I just had my fifth shot yesterday so here we go again! Hopefully my hormone levels are starting to even out. And more changes will start to come!

Thanks for reading!

Talk soon!

– Brixton


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